5 replies to this topic

[Bry.F]

A blonde goes up to the vending machine in a casino.
She puts a coin in, presses the button and catches the can when it pops out.
She puts in another coin and does the same, then again, and again and again.
Eventually the casino manager comes over: "Wow, you must be really thirsty.
"Not really," replies the blonde, "but I don't want to stop when I'm winning."

[Bry.F]

One night, a man rolls over in bed and gives his wife a big, knowing grin. Immediately realising his intentions she says,

"Not tonight darling. I have an appointment with the gynaecologist tomorrow morning and I want to stay fresh and clean."

Dejected and disappointed, the man rolls over and tries to get to sleep. A few minutes later he rolls over and prods his wife again.

"Tell me, do you have a dentist appointment tomorrow, too?"

[Bry.F]

The CIA are interviewing three potential agents- two women and a man. For the final test, they bring one of the women candidates to a door and hand her a revolver.

"We must know that you will follow instructions, no matter what," says the interviewer. "Inside this room you will find your husband sitting in a chair. Kill him."

"You can't be serious," says the woman. "I could never shoot my husband."

"Then you're not the right woman for the job," says the CIA chap.

The second woman is given the same instructions. Five minutes later, she emerges with tears in her eyes and says "I can't."

Finally, the man is given the test, but with his wife. He takes the gun and enters the room. Shots are heard, then screaming, crashing and a lot of banging. After a few minutes, he comes out and wipes the sweat from his brow. "You didn't tell me the gun was loaded with blanks," he says. "I had to beat her to death with the chair."

[Bry.F]

An elderly man and his wife are taking a stroll through the country when they spy a fence where they used to conduct their courting.
Excited by this, they make love furiously, with their arms and legs waving about everywhere.
When they are finished, the woman says, surprised, "You never had sex with me like that 50 years ago", to which the man replies "Well, that fence wasn't electric 50 years ago."

[Bry.F]

While redecorating a church, three nuns become extremely hot and sweaty in their habits, so Mother Superior says, "Let's take our clothes off, and work naked."
The other two nuns disapprove, and ask, "What if someone sees us?"
But the Mother Superior says, "Don't worry, no one will see us, we'll just lock the door."
So the other nuns agree, strip down and return to work.
Suddenly, they hear a knock at the door, and grab their clothes in a panic.
Mother Superior runs to the door and calls through, "Who is it?"
"Blind man," a man's voice comes back.
So she opens the door, and lets in the blind man, who turns to the nuns and says, "Great tits, ladies, now where do you want these blinds?"

[Bry.F]

The first says: "Aye, this is a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one. At MacDougal's, you buy a drink, you buy another drink, and MacDougal himself will buy your third drink!"
The second then starts: "That sounds like a nice bar, but where I come from, there's a better one called Vinny's. At Vinny's, you buy a drink, Vinny buys you a drink. You buy another drink, Vinny buys you another drink."
Then the third pipes up. "You think that's good? Where I come from, there's this place called Murphy's. At Murphy's, they buy you your first drink, they buy you your second drink, they buy you your third drink, and then, they take you in the back and get you laid!"
"Wow!" say the other two. "That sounds fantastic! Did that actually happen to you?" "No," replies their friend, "but it happened to my sister!"